My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
