I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
