k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.