Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
