today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
