Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
