Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
