I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
