i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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