turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
