Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
