If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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