It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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