Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
