So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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