I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
