I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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