kristin has been a bad kristin
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
