New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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