i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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