Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
