I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
