Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
