He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
