your room smells of hookers.
And success
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize