I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
