the condom got lost in my hair
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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