That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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