it wasn't lemon gatorade
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
