i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
