I'm so fucking centered right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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