my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vagina is officially offended.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
