she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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