some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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