cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
