Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
