whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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