I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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