I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
