she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
