Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We don't watch enough power rangers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
