I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
