Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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