and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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