It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
should my penis look like a turkey
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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