i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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