Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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