i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
