i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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