youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm just crazy horny about you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
