she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
