Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
