The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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