My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
me + whiskey = a bad person
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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