I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
