small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
