Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm at about main and main street
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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