I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
