I need help removing her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
