If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
