I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
