Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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