I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
