and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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