Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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