That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
