Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
