I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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