I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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