hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
