Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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