I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
