So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
