Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
