whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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