Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
