This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Need sex. Gaining weight.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
