she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
