so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
