im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
