sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
