Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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