Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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